Lake Monster Captured on Film in Bear Lake, Utah

A peaceful August afternoon in Bear Lake, Utah was thrown into panicked chaos as the cool, clear waters suddenly revealed the serpentine body of the mythical Bear Lake Monster. Terrified onlookers watched as the large monster gracefully swam 217 yards before submerging and disappearing back into the lake's legendary blue depths.

The Bear Lake Monster has a long history dating back the the 1800's, when it was first documented by Native American tribes in the region. The monster has been described as a "water dragon," "aquatic dinosaur," and even a "giant beaver," but on this afternoon, the monster revealed itself as an enormous snake-like beast capable of swimming at high speeds.


On the afternoon of August 12, 2007, the monster was first sighted by a man known only as "Uncle Marty." Pictured left, Uncle Marty first spotted the monster while shotgunning his third Keystone Light.

"As I bit down on the bottom of the can, you know . . . for the shotgun, I saw this giant snake just poke up out of the water. Well I threw down my brewskie, right into the sand and ran to the water."

Witnesses recall Uncle Marty running to the lake's edge, trampling a day-long sandcastle endeavor in the process.

"He just stood there, pointing and screaming like a little girl, a high-pitched, almost soprano scream" recalls an unnamed family member. "We all just thought he was just . . . you know . . . plastered, but there it was out in the water, the biggest snake I had ever seen so I grabbed my camera from my brother who was using it to take pictures of his butt and snapped a few pictures of the monster. We all just couldn't believe what we were seeing."

Although no other witnesses reported seeing the Bear Lake Monster that afternoon, the family of Uncle Marty vehemently maintain they all saw the beast. Although it should be noted that gallons of jungle juice were reportedly consumed by Uncle Marty and his family that afternoon.

When questioned, one nephew (too young to consumer alcohol) was quoted as saying "All I remember is seeing Uncle Marty peeing on the sandcastle I spent all day building . . . what a jerk-face!"

All this Librarian can say is . . . water dragon, aquatic dinosaur, giant beaver, drunken hallucination, or blatant crappy Photoshop edit, the myth of the Bear Lake Monster lives on.

Pass the jungle juice!

--Katherine O'Brien-Smith

Evolution Takes A Leap Forward in La Verkin, Utah

Evolution took one giant leap forward in the small town of La Verkin, Utah with the birth of little Edna Mae Sofaman.

Edna (pictured left) was born on August 17, 2007 with a fully developed set of adult teeth.

Edna's dentist, Dr. Harry Roper had this to say, "Well, I'll be darned if that little bugger wasn't born with a full set of adult chompers. We did a whole battery of x-rays and there's not a baby tooth to be found; it's like she just skipped right over em'!"

There were early signs of Edna's unique . . . "evolutionary advancement." Thirty two weeks into her pregnancy, Edna's mother, Vera Sofaman, began complaining of painful gnawing sensations in her stomach. A quick ultrasound revealed that little Edna had been busy attempting to chew her way out of the womb.

"I couldn't believe what I was seeing during the ultrasound" commented Vera's OB/GYN, Dr. Sanford, "there was little Edna, just chewing away at the uterus like she didn't have a care in the world."

"That's our little Edna." comments Vera Sofaman with a chuckle, "She's quite the little eater. She just loves to eat . . . especially corn on the cob. She just loves to put them big teeth to good use!"

Although no conclusive cause of Edna's advanced state of dental development has been uncovered, the Sofaman Family Worm Farm is rumored to be situated on a cache of nuclear waste that is the legacy of Cold War nuclear development in the region.

Vinnie Sofaman, Edna's father, tries to keep a positive outlook on the whole situation, "Radioactive or not, she's my little princess, and I love her, big ol' rabbit teeth and all."

When asked to comment on Edna Sofaman's condition, The United States Nuclear Regulatory Commission would only be quoted as saying, "We don't think of Edna's teeth as a freakish byproduct of sloppy nuclear regulation, but one great leap forward in evolution for all mankind."

All this Librarian can say is, if you ever find yourself in La Verkin Utah, stop by the Sofaman Family Worm Farm and maybe have some corn on the cob with little Edna, but pass when they offer you a glass of cool, crisp well water because after all, it's a thin line between evolution and just plain freaky.

--Katherine O'Brien-Smith