Friday, August 17, 2007
Mattel Toy Recall: Ritual Suicide and Communist Bugging
The world was alerted to the massive Mattel toy recall earlier this week. The massive recall cost the company $30 million dollars, which the mainstream news likes to use as the reason Cheung Shu-hung, hung himself in his warehouse. The truth is far more alarming.
Cheung Shu-hung actually discovered the conspiracy of the Chinese Government’s plot to plant bugs, in the popular American toys in hopes of learning the secrets of their greatest competitors. Shu-hung, discovered that what the news is reporting as magnets were actually bugs, and the reason the Chinese Government painted the toys with lead paint was to protect the bugs from being discovered by X-ray machines and the American Oppressor - Superman.
What the Chinese Government didn’t plan for was the in-born desire of every American child to destroy and eat their toys. It’s a well studied fact that American children have a bad jones for eating their toys as well as stick uneatable objects into their mouths.
It was only after Shu-hung’s own adopted American daughter, pried her “Polly Pocket” apart and attempted to shove the toy in her mouth that Shu-hung stopped her and discovered the bug.
He felt it his duty to report his findings by sending out a massive spam email encoded with his discovery which might be the reason why no one has as yet to report the truth. He committed ritual suicide after the manner of his Chinese providence by hanging himself at his place of work for failing to catch the treachery of his government sooner.
We dedicate this post to his family.
You’ve been warned…